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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

It's Back.

I have unfortunate news. My anxiety is back. I've been feeling on edge for weeks now, but I was still able to function. That stopped this past Thursday. I woke up at six AM and I was supposed to get up and get ready for school. It was like I was immobile, paralyzed. My stomach was churning and I couldn't move. I missed school that day. I felt horrible about it, but it was only one day and I was fully prepared to return today. Until I woke up this morning and couldn't move. My body was weighted down as if filled with lead or cement. Again, my stomach was aching. I kept thinking, "Lindsay, you have to get up. You don't need to miss class again. Lindsay, get up!" It didn't work. My physical symptoms overwhelmed me and anxiety won. I tried all my techniques that I learned in therapy. I thought positively. I gave myself a pep talk. I counted. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. Nothing worked. Thankfully, I go see my therapist tomorrow and we can devise a plan of action. Memories of how my anxiety started bombards me once more. It's starting to repeat itself and I have to stop it. I just don't know how. I can understand the logical side of things, but anxiety is anything but. I know what I need to be doing (going to class), but I just can't. The physical symptoms are outweighing my mental capabilities. I'm at a complete loss. Everything that I've learned to tackle this issue no longer applies. I'm back at square one. I can't help but wonder is this how my life is going to be? A series of moving forward and then setbacks and repeat. I'm physically and mentally exhausted so I'm signing off. One question before I go: How do you deal with your setbacks?

1 comment:

  1. So sorry to hear. I just read a stat today that said a huge number of teens and young adults suffer from anxiety regularly. You are not alone. I think you just need to keep moving forward even when it seems like you can't. I will be thinking of you.


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