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Sunday, January 6, 2013

With a heavy heart

It's a crying day in the life of Lindsay Paige. Don't worry. I'm done for today. However, it is with a heavy heart that I've come to a realization. A realization that tears me up, but one I know I have to make.

I have to let go.

Let go of those pesky things that haunt me and weight me down. Let go of people that can't accept that I'm changing, growing, and becoming a new person. I have to let go.

Just typing that brings tears to my eyes. Customers come in, ask how my Christmas was, and I have to lie. Say it was good when I went home Christmas Eve and cried my eyes out. I shouldn't have to do that. Holidays are supposed to bring families together. But that didn't happen for me this year. And that's okay because I've finally realized that I can't hold on to hurtful things. I can't let people or the things they say hold me back.

I have to let go.

I need to be selfish and put myself first. I need to please me before worrying about others. Otherwise, I'm going to lose it everyday and I can't handle that.

It won't happen overnight, but slowly and surely, I will let go completely. I can't be who others want me to be. I have to be who I need me to be. The sooner the better.

2013 is going to be one hell of a ride. You're either with me or you're against me. There is no middle ground anymore. I've been hurting ad burdening myself so much these last few months and it's time it came to an end.

I'm letting go.

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