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Monday, October 22, 2012

Those Days

Everyone has them, I'm sure. Those days where you just want to give up. Those days where nothing seems to be working correctly. Those days where you are lucky to get one thing accomplished. Those days where the world is against you seemingly.

I just feel like a rotten apple that was about to be eaten before one realized it was rotten.

I feel like I've gotten a serious case of bad luck.

Don't worry. I'm not giving up. I'm simply venting here.

The other good thing? I know the source of my problem.

Funny how the title of my January release is DON'T PANIC and yet, that's all I'm able to do lately. Panic. A simple five letter word that can easily destroy me at a moment's notice. You see, I have so many expectations, goals, etc. lying on DP that it's a wrecking ball to my defensive system against my anxiety. I have so much riding on this work. I'm not going to lie.

DP is the most personal book I've ever written or thought about writing.

DP is the hardest book I've ever written/am writing.

DP hits so close to home for me.

Those three things complicate things to say the least. It's hard to comprehend sometimes everything that I want to do with this book. It can either have a positive, giddy effect or one like I'm experiencing today. A horrible, I'm-ready-to-throw-it-in-the-trash kind of effect.

I'm a worrier. I'm terrified that this book will suck. These aren't just the writer in me speaking. This is the reader in me as well. The average human part of me.  I'm petrified that this book won't meet your nor my expectations. I'm scared. I'm unsure as to how to stress how much this book means to me. It has a purpose. One I have to exceed.

The pressure is immense, sitting on my chest while daring me to breathe so it can crush my lungs. The saddest thing about it? I'm the one pressuring myself.

1 comment:

  1. I think that you nailed it--this one is so much more personal to you that it's hurting you to write it. Once it's done, I think you're going to feel better.


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