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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Where Did I Go?

Tonight, while talking to a couple of guys via text, it finally hit me.

I'm not me. Where have I gone? I'm freaking out just a bit at how much I have changed over the past two years. I went from being an anxious person to someone with full-blown anxiety to an impulsive, outgoing girl. I used to be a bookworm and with the exception of this week, I haven't read a book in six months or more.

That is not me.

Don't get me wrong, I like being unafraid of going out of my comfort zone, but I'll be damn if I am no longer myself. I want the old me back. The girl who was shy around guys to the point where I giggled almost all the time when I liked a guy. The girl who didn't seek their attention. The girl who could stand on her own two feet and hoped to be on her own by now. The girl who was a closed book and not an open one. The girl who didn't vent until reached the top of the bottle. The girl who thought things through fifty million times before taking action.

I'm not that girl anymore. I'm impulsive, not reading as much, outgoing, etc. I'm the complete opposite of what I grew to love about myself. I was finally feeling confident with who I was and then the damn attacks started happening. Everything changed once those occurred.

I just want to be the rational, levelheaded, thought-things-through kind of girl again. I want to be stable.

Where did I go?

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